More Than a Red Flag: How to Get Out of an Abusive Relationship

You meet a nice person; they are funny, charismatic, and call and text you every day. You think to yourself that you have finally met someone nice. This person is amazing, they love you so much that they spend all of their time with you. You don’t see your family as much but that’s ok, your new partner isn’t fond of them anyway. You stopped talking to all your friends but for good reason, they don’t like your new partner so they are probably jealous. Your partner is perfect but you can be the problem sometimes. When you fight it is always your fault even when you don’t see it at first but they told you and convinced you that it is so they must be right. You had a new haircut and changed your wardrobe because they didn’t like your old style or hair. They got angry, yelled, called you names, and hit you then came back later to say that they love you but you pushed them to do this. You forgave them because you know you can be the problem sometimes.

If any of this sounds familiar then you are in a toxic and abusive relationship. A partner who spends all of their time with you, has a problem with your family and friends, controls what you wear, and can be aggressive and punch you or hit you, is a narcissistic abuser and you are in a very dangerous situation and you must get out fast. The things mentioned above are more than a red flag, they are the typical pattern of behavior of an unstable person, who will hit you again and may even hurt your children or pets to exert control. If you are in an abusive relationship and want to get out then read on.

Understand That They Won’t Change

Many people stay in abusive relationships because they believe that their partners can change. However, you need to believe that this is who they are, so neither your love nor therapy can change their character. Who they are isn’t your fault and there is nothing that you can do about it. You can’t tolerate the abuse because you believe that you can help them. Staying in an abusive relationship simply perpetuates bad behavior, and you are making the situation worse for both of you because they will never take responsibility for their actions. You also can’t believe their promises that they will change or that they will never hit you again, how many times have they made this empty promise and broken it? An abuser’s only goal is to control you so they will say anything to make you stay. Once you understand the reality of the situation you can take the first step and prepare to leave.

Protect Yourself

Leaving an abuser isn’t easy. When they feel that you are serious about leaving them, they will do everything in their power to make you stay. They may even lie and accuse you of being the abuser and file a report saying that you threatened to hurt them. They do this to scare you so you will stay if they drop the charges. However, you shouldn’t give in to their threats or take the situation lightly either. In this case, according to the Lawyers in Wichita Kansas, you will benefit from having a skilled domestic attorney by your side. They will help prove your innocence and prove that you are the victim, and help to protect you from your abusive ex by filing a restraining order. Having a lawyer by your side will also be beneficial if you have kids as they can help you fight for custody. Besides a lawyer, you will also need the consultation of a therapist to guide you through this situation and the help of your close friends and family.

Go No Contact

Your abuser will not stop trying to get back to you after you leave. For this reason, you will need to go no contact with your abusive partner. Block them on all social media accounts, change your phone number, cut off all of their friends, and make sure that they don’t know where you are staying. Eventually, your abuser will give up and move on to their next victim and you will finally be free.

If you are in an abusive relationship then you need to get out fast. Take it step by step for your own safety. The most important thing that you should know here is that you can’t do this alone. Make sure that you have your friends and family by your side, legal representation, and a therapist. Take your time after you get out of this toxic situation to be sad, it is normal and you can work through your feelings in therapy. Last but not least, forgive yourself because you are a victim of a manipulator who has never known how to love.

Leave a Comment